America Archives - Wandering North

North America USA

The Broad

Today started by taking the Metrolink from Burbank to Union Station.

Once downtown, i skipped Olivera Street this time to grab some sushi in Little Tokyo. I then had a cigar at the 2nd Street cigar lounge where i had a lovely chat with a boxing manager/promoter about our shared love of international travel. After that i headed to The Broad.

The Broad is a new (opened last month) modern art museum downtown showcasing the private collection of a local billionaire/art collector who is now sharing his amazing collection of post-war modern art in an incredible building. (Take note, billionaires who are inexplicably reading this blog: this is a worthwhile use of your otherwise unjustifiable wealth.)

It is like a pared down NY MOCA, sans the Pollacks. A fantastic collection of Beuys, Twombly, Cindy Sherman, Jasper Johns, Koons (not my favourite, but fun to look at), Murakami, Wharhol, Lichtenstein, Damien Hirst, and more. And terrific customer service. The staff are more than happy to talk with you about the art.

It delights me not only to see the art, but to overhear the reactions of people. A lot of “i could paint this” and “i don’t get it”. But at least they’re there.

North America USA

Disney at Halloween

What would a trip to Los Angeles be without a trip to Disneyland? D and i made the trip there yesterday. We’ve both been to Disneyland and Disneyworld multiple times but i had never been in October when the park gets a Halloween makeover.

Mainstreet USA (the America that never was outside of film and nostalgia) is decorated with jack-o-lanterns and the Haunted Mansion gets a Tim Burton theme. It was wonderful. It amazes me how attractions and rides that are 60 years old still delight and awe. I still love the Jungle Cruise, even though the replicated sights are now things i have seen in real life in my travels. The Pirates Of The Caribbean is still cool with its obvious animatronics (i do believe though that they have taken out some rapey bits). (Allegedly this is this ride that terrified me as a toddler due to a fear of men with facial hair.) it’s A Small World is a kitschy delight. And tomorrow land feels more retro than anything, but it still great.

I love it. All of it….well, except for one thing. There are just too many children. I know, it is a family theme park and i don’t begrudge people taking their kids, but there are just so many strollers and babies screaming and kids that are just way too young to enjoy or remember any of it. We thought/hoped that by nighttime they would leave, but they didn’t. If anything, they multiplied and got exponentially louder and more unpleasant as the day waned.

In the end they beat us. Families with their strollers (including fat kids who should not have been in strollers but lacked the ability of sustained walking) stayed and camped out, awaiting the fireworks display as they cried and bickered. At that point, we had had enough and left.

It was great though. Always magical.

North America USA

A Day in LA (on foot)

Los Angeles has a reputation for being a city you cannot see or navigate without a car, and, true, in terms of transit, New York or London it is not, but i know from previous trips that there are people that live here who don’t drive at all, so i figured i could spend a day on foot and train seeing the things i needed to see. I have taken the subway here before, but only a few stops. I’ve never covered much ground without my sister driving me. Yesterday though she had to work all day and so i headed out solo and on foot.

I started in downtown Los Angeles, which is absolutely my favourite area. It feels like LA but it doesn’t. The buildings are tall and gloriously old (on a west coast US scale) and the area is sprinkled with cafes, restaurants, galleries, and shops but the area still retains a lot of the character from its recent, seedy past. It is just a bit grimy and has old bodegas, pawn shops, and less than reputable looking taco eateries by the roadside. More and more though the area is becoming gentrified, so soon much of the grittier bits will be polished away, and then it will all just be…too lovely. But right now it is good.

I started at the Grand Central Market for a perfectly pulled espresso and then walked up and down the tree lined streets as the neighbourhood was waking up with dog walkers and street sweepers leading the parade. With all day ahead of me i looked for a place to have a morning cigar and read my book. A bench perhaps? But then i found a little cigar/hookah lounge on Spring street that was open (at 7am). The cigar selection wasn’t great, but i grabbed the best of what was on display and made myself at home on their front patio with a book, a churchill, and a coffee. All was well.

After that i paid a visit to The Last Bookstore. Between its rambling aisles, random book architecture, awesome selection, nooks, crannies, slopes, corners, and hideaways ( not to mention the artists’ studios and vinyl section) this may be my new favourite bookstore (sorry, Powell’s).

After a sufficient browse i walked to the 2nd Street Cigar Lounge: a comfortable neighbourhood tobacconist with ample leather chairs for cigar No. 2. After that i wandered downtown a bit more, photographing the swell and often disused theatres.

From there i walked to Olivera Street – the historic and touristy Mexican area, crammed with stalls of colourful souvenirs and fragrant open air eateries.

I’ve been there a couple of times previously so i didn’t linger but took a turn around the square before entering the grand Union Station to catch a subway to Hollywood.

A word about the LA Metro: while it doesn’t cover every area, it is fairly far reaching, well mapped, efficient, and cheap (and air-conditioned).

I disembarked into the hustle of Hollywood and Vine and made my way down the strip, past the souvenir shops, the cheesy looking bars, and sleazy looking stores, dodging the guys touting tours of Hollywood homes and the scrawny Spidermen and buxom Marilyns posing for pictures with tourists. I smiled and was careful not to trod upon the stars of certain celebrities, namely Frank Sinatra and Bela Lugosi. There’s not much on Hollywood worth stopping for if it isn’t your first time, but it makes for an entertaining stroll.

North America USA

The Happiest Place on Earth

It has been a bit of a break since my last post, but i have been in Orlando. We left on Friday and returned late last night.
We started our theme park extravaganza at Islands of Adventure, which has some of the best rides and rollercoasters i have ever experienced. The Hulk and Duelling Dragons are amazing! Dawn and i have been before, but this time it was even better as we could enjoy the water rides on which we got completely drenched (the last time we were there it was January and it was too cold).

After that we went to Universal Studios, which i hadn’t been to since i was little. The Jaws ride is still awesome and the new Mummy rollarcoaster is fantastic.

On Sunday we went to The Magic Kingdom (aka Disney World). It was amazing. I ran around like a kid, hopped up on sugar and glee. The Main Street USA section is incredible; it is an America that never was, where barbershop quartets sing and tapdance on the street corners, there are marching band parades and for no apparent reason men and women dressed in 1930’s attire break into song and dance routines in the middle of the street. Included in their repertoire was a high-spirited rendition of the Trolley Song from “Meet me in St. Louis” (you know it: “clang clang clang went the trolley! ding ding ding went the bell…”). I was in heaven.

Adventureland was also a favorite. The Pirates of the Caribbean ride is every bit as awe inspiring as i remember and i loved the Jungle Cruise and the silly Tiki Room. We went on Splash Mountain and Thunder Mountain, during which i insisted on speaking in my best old west voice, saying things like “Dag nabbit, that there was the best ‘coaster I’ve been on since them claim jumpers done stole my horse!” I’m sure people looked at Dawn with sympathy and thought “How nice of that girl to take her mentally retarded sister to Disney”.

I was reluctant to go on It’s a Small World, but Dawn insisted and it was great! It is so old, but in a completely charming way. We also watched this 3D movie which includes bits from Disney movies. It even did the Be Our Guest number from Beauty and the Beast, but wait – it was more than 3D, my friends! When Lumiere presented delicious dishes, waves of aroma exploded in the audience. A 3D apply pie appeared, and you could smell it. During the Fantasia bit, when the buckets of water were overturned, we were splashed with water! It was magic, i’m telling you, pure magic.

Sadly, i didn’t get any photos with any of the Disney characters. They were all there, but the lines to be photographed with them were super long and i was too overstimulated to stand and wait. I DID get to see Belle though. She did a story time thing for a small audience of children, their parents, and me. She retold the Beauty and the Beast story with volunteers from the audience playing the different parts. I waved my hand in their with great enthusiasm, but, sadly, she didn’t pick me. Damn kids get to have all of the fun. Frankly I think the boy playing Gaston didn’t really understand his character and wasn’t really “in the moment”, but perhaps i am being too critical.
Disney is also a great place to witness first hand the epidemic of obesity in America. Rotund children and their gargantuan parents waddled around the park, gasping for air and squeezing themselves into seats on rides built in an era when people came in smaller sizes. There were many people so huge that they opted to rent wheelchairs and motorized scooters to enable them to move about the park without suffering heart failure. It is so different to be back in South Beach where the only thing big about the people are their biceps and breast implants.

So now it is Monday and Dawn has dropped me in South Beach for a long day of sun, smoking, and wandering. It is hot. At 10 am it was already 89 degrees. I had some fruit and a cigar while reading the paper and i shall continue my wandering. I plan to go to the Wolfsonian, an excellent design and art museum, and i also will check out the World Erotic Art Museum, the largest of it’s kind in the country.

So, in summary, here is my new life goal: I plan to move to Disney World and live on Main Street USA, land of genteel shop keepers and and balloon salesmen, where Broadway shows erupt every 20 minutes. I shall practice law there, but it will be a quiet practice, as nothing bad ever happens. I will start a book club with Belle and take my vacations at the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse. It will be grand.
d

North America USA

Odds & Ends

A couple of things I forgot to mention in last night’s long but hurried post:

The gun totin’ turkey shootin’ family from Ocala said Grace before dinner. They actually said Grace (Does one capitalize grace?) They held hands and everything. I don’t know if I have ever seen that outside of church camping trips as a child.

In case I haven’t been clear about this: South Beach (Lincoln Road in particular) is one of the greatest places in the world. I could honestly just sit and wander around all day looking at all of the beautiful, muscular, silicone-enhanced people rollerblading and walking impossibly tiny dogs. Then one can walk a few blocks over and hang out with thugged out guys in classic pimp attire – and some of them actually will be pimps! (Need I remind you that it was once on Washington Avenue here in South Beach that Dawn and I once met and “chilled” with the (in)famous pimp Bishop Magic Don Juan. I’m not sure that’s really something to brag about, but I like saying his name.)

The weather: So great. It is stupidly hot and humid and I am loving every second of it. It is like walking around in a warm cotton-candy soup and it would be unbearable if it were not for the salvation of the ocean breezes which easily make their way inland over and around the 3 storey, pastel, deco buildings, sitting like little confections along the sea.

Today. Slept in. Dreamed that one of my law profs (I will not say which one) was exacting physical torture sessions on his (or her) students each night. Hung out with the sister, went to the gym, ran errands. Dawn is presently writing her final exam in Calculus or Algebra or one of those frightening classes. I am going to go hang out and smoke and read tonight while she teaches her class. It will be a low key evening, as tomorrow we head to…Orlando, where I plan to stalk and get my photo taken with Belle from Beauty and the Beast, which will undoubtedly result in me trying to impress her with my knowledge of all the songs in the entire show – until Dawn punches me in the mouth and asks with irritation, “Man, why you sweatin’ Belle?!”. I can’t wait.

North America USA

Final Destination: Florida

Greetings from South Florida!
After 12 hours of travel (3 flights + layovers) i arrived at the underwhelming Fort Lauderdale airport – underwhelming that is until i saw a blonde vision in active sportswear: my sister (and her faithful companion, Giovanni). My flights, while long, where supremely relaxing. I read, completed a sunday NY times crossword and listened to Company, Sweeney Todd and My Fair Lady on the ipod.

I got in late, so Dawn just drove me to her new residence in the schmancy gated community known simply as “The Resort”, complete with 3 swimming pools, gym, hot tub, tennis courts and security guards (no need to pack heat here).

We watched “Final Destination 3” (creative, gory death scenes) and retired.
Today she was busy teaching classes, so i spent about ten hours on South Beach. “Bliss” would not be too strong a word to describe my mood as I strolled beneath the palms in the uber-humid Florida weather. I smoked three cigars over espresso and salad, went shopping and visit some old haunts, like the South Florida Art Gallery. Little changes here (I even saw some of the same colorful homeless people I recall from when I lived here – if you have to be homeless, this is the place to do it). My favorite cigar lounge has closed, but there are countless other satisfying venues in which to enjoy a double corona, so I am not too broken up about it.

As I was on my own today, I had many interesting conversations with people. One fellow, at the Hustler store sighed fondly when I said I was from Canada. “I’ve never seen snow”, he said. He told me he grew up in Fort Lauderdale and moved to Miami and has never been anywhere else. Ever.

At dinner, on Lincoln Road at World Resources (i had a fabulous Thai curry) I chatted for about an hour with a family and their friends who are 7th generation Floridians from Ocala – super rural Florida with horses and citrus farms. They had crazy fake-sounding southern drawls and told me all about how they love to go hunting for turkeys and hogs, except they pronounced it “howgs”. It seems that it takes a surprising amount of cunning and ingenuity to outsmart a turkey. I also learned all about Florida gun laws and it seems that it is quite legal to carry a gun with you at all times (except in court, at football games and in clubs), provided that said gun is in plain sight. (You can carry a concealed weapon, but you have to take a four hour course to qualify.) So if you want to drive with your 45, you have leave it in your lap, not tucked under your shirt.

Anyway, I had a fantastic day. When I come here, I can’t remember why I ever left. The beach, the weather, trees filled with coconuts and green parrots are so seductive. Like I said, it is bliss.

Now I am back at Dawn’s place and we are going to watch a horror movie about a killer ventriloquist’s dummy.
Enough rambling.
Good night.
d

North America USA

Blog! The Sequel

I cannot make any promises. Like most sequels, this Florida installment of the blog may prove to be entirely tedious compared with the original – Russia/Europe chronicles. I am, however, willing to take the risk. I enjoyed doing the “travel blog” thing and it seemed as though people enjoyed reading it, so i thought i would give it another go. Of course, this time around, I will not have Betty Lou with me to correct my numerous typing and spelling errors, so i apologize in advance for types to come.

I leave tomorrow (Tuesday) morning and fly to Florida via a ridiculous route, taking me from Vancouver to Seattle to Salt Lake City to Fort Lauderdale – 10 hours and 20 minutes in all. It was the only way i could get a flight for less than $1000.

I am very excited to see Dawn and visit the Magic Kingdom (that’s where the magic lives), swim in the ocean and smoke cigars on Lincoln Road. I’ll try to do something blog worthy, as daily entries describing the cigars i have smoked and the crossword puzzles I have done will make for some painfully dull reading.

I don’t know how often I’ll post, but check in occasionally and perhaps there will be something worth reading.
Adios, Amigos.

Tag: America